Shiver for me girl, deliver for me my darling

I return, with ample apologies for my absence, I'm not really sure anyone reads it any longer and it's really for me so I 'spose it doesn't matter.....

Here I am looking at another couple of months on my own. Tristan's going away for work.

Generally I look forward to it, but for some reason this summer I'm a little nervous over the absence. Maybe I don't trust myself (uhm, last summer was........indulgent) and we are officially engaged now.

BLAM!

There it is, the big news. And it doesn't matter what I thought/said before, it is true- it is different once marriage is in the picture. We're both surprised at how much we are feeling it, we are so excited, I'm a bit dazed when I realize this is now a reality. I just really never saw myself getting married, and I guess it's something I won't be able to believe until we do it. I never knew I could love someone so much that I wanted to promise myself to them. It's only recently that I have decided that I even believe in the institute of marriage. He did it though. Made me change my mind about it all. I could never see myself loving anyone else. And the thing about it is that while I will never be able to help fantasizing/daydreaming about people/stuff/things doing stuff/things/etc. to/with me that's cool cause I don't need to do it. The fantasies are not real. How many times do I have to figure that one out?

Gladly not again.
(I hope)

The most bizarre part is that ever since I decided all of that and we set the date & started telling people I've been having wet dreams about cheating- more than once I've been busted by various individuals.....it's tripping me out a little. It's not any big bad thing, I'm actually strangely fulfilled by these dreams, I don't wake up frustrated or regretful, I wake up feeling........yummy.

Mostly they dreams of beautiful women.

I met a vision of a woman today.
I hope we get to work together again soon.

Her presence was a shinning brilliance of sunshine, she brightened my day immensely.

And made me realize I need to start looking for more attractive pants IMMEDIATELY. I got them in a rush, they're uniform, not a good fit, not attractive. Not that I, well, it's just that, when I meet immensely attractive women/men who seem to be phenomenally magnificent I want to be wearing pants that I know make me look hot. (I actually own a pair so I know it's possible- they just won't work for work pants)

The Vision~
She wore a tight blouse unbuttoned far enough that I saw her bra/tits more than a dozen times today. Don't get me started on how tight her skirt was.....but very classy all the same- I don't want to give the impression that she looked slutty, she just knew how to dress to accentuate every....feature. Very effectively.

And she pulled it off looking entirely wholesome and squeaky clean. She was so scrubbed, brushed, ironed, tanned, primped, accessorized, I was jealous and horny at the same time.

I kind of felt a little in awe.

You know she doesn't procrastinate or stay in a job that doesn't fulfill her or eat cold stove-top for breakfast, smoke weed, or masturbate too much.

Girl crush.

Le sigh...............