I'm Still Not Convinced

Forget it, it doesn’t matter.

That’s my mantra. I keep telling myself that.

I’m still not convinced.

It does matter. It matters that I’ve surrounded myself with selfish people who don’t think to ask me about my day, my thoughts. What I do online, in my private time, the people I meet and the things I do with them are my revenge. They don’t give a fuck about me or my life? Well then I’m going to do exactly what I want and since they never want to talk about anything but themselves they’ll never even know.

I’m going through this journey all on my own, and the day that everyone in my life realizes they don’t even know me anymore and possibly get that they haven’t been paying attention is when I’ll be gone. I pity the fool that finds my journals, discovers this blog. Sure, I’ll have a lot of explaining to do, but they’ll all have to ask themselves, “where was I when all this was going on?”

Be forewarned. When that special person in your life gets a little too quiet and quits trying to initiate conversation, doesn’t offer you details about their day, just nods as you talk and then finds something else to busy themselves you had better start asking questions and showing some interest because you are losing them. Friends, lovers, family, it applies to all of the above.

People really should quit being so fucking self- centered unless they care to end up alone. You might think to yourself that you care about that person but one has to actually show that, and more than just occasionally. Pay attention to yourself in your conversations, do you just talk about yourself or do you ask questions and genuinely pay attention to the answer instead of formulating what you are going to say next? Do you ask someone probing questions about their thoughts on art, politics, music, anything? Do you talk about things that have absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with the other person?

Just something to think about….